The Invisible Enemy

Written by Kim Kovavich

Patient, ever-present, lurking around every corner, it waits for you to say the wrong thing, perform in an inappropriate manner, or misspell a word. It can stop you in your tracks......... It tells you that you will never be good enough; although there has never been a tangible meaning of such. It can prevent an individual from reaching their full potential, causing them to hit that brick wall until their path is completely re-routed. It will rob you of peace of mind, self-assurance, and eventually your motivation. It whispers in your ear, "You'll never succeed, you're not good enough." With every fiber of it's being, it taunts, "Why even try?"

What will others think of me? Will I lose their respect? Will they think me a fool? "I'm just the kind of person that likes to do things right", I say, and in that illusion, I lose a piece of myself one performance at a time.

It is illusive, the finality of an existence lived out through the eyes of others. Forever second guessing ourselves, we become a cookie cut version of the person we believe we should be. 

It is perfectionism, the metaphorical noose that we step into every time we perform to please. It will suck the breath out of you, deflate your self-assurance, and erode the foundation of that which you were created to be. "Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order." Anne Wilson Schaef  

It's beckoning is ever present; the finish line never reached, and with every perceived moment of accomplishment, the pervasive fear of never living up to expectation, strips another layer of who we are out from under us. "At its root, perfectionism isn't really about a deep love of being meticulous. It's about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success." Micheal Law 

I choose to shed this illusion and step out of the encumbrance of the mold that I have been trying to fit into. I'm done trying to push a square peg into a triangle, and in honor of turning over this new leaf, I present to you the first un-revised, imperfect, rough draft I have ever written in my entire life!